Wikipedia Maria Brazgovskaya psychologist, coach

Maria Brazgovskaya: general information

• Full name: Maria Brazgovskaya
• Date of Birth: 31-01-1986
• Place of birth: Perm, Russia
• Height: –
• Weight: –
• Brief biography: Psychologist, graduate of the Gestalt Institute and author of the large-scale psychotherapeutic online courses “Marathon of Miracles” Maria Brazgovskaya makes her contribution to the emotional intelligence of Petersburgers and offers 2.2 million followers on Instagram and YouTube to take responsibility for their lives. Judging by the thousands of reviews, some succeeded.
• Education: St. Petersburg Institute of Gestalt, counseling psychologist, gestalt therapist

Maria Brazgovskaya biography

Maria graduated as a counseling psychologist and then as a Gestalt therapist at the St. Petersburg Gestalt Institute. Now she also continues her postgraduate education with psychologists, psychiatrists and psychotherapists: Jean Beccio, Semizorova, Smolenskaya, Guni Baxa, Daan van Kampenhout and others.

Maria began her psychological practice at the Hospice in 2010, where she helped people accept the inevitable and continue living with dignity.

In her work, Maria uses the techniques of Gestalt therapy, systems approach, EMDR therapy, hypnosis, existential and provocative therapy. Specializes in post-traumatic conditions, love addictions, fears and anxieties, negative scenarios, psychosomatics, violence, grief.

Helps people overcome difficult life situations, stand firmly on their feet, live their lives, get out of impasse and overcome the financial ceiling.

Maria Brazgovskaya runs a successful blog on Instagram, where she has gathered an audience of 3.5 million subscribers. There she draws the attention of readers to the psychological side of many life situations, helps them resolve internal conflicts and find solutions to problems.

A separate direction in Maria’s practice is the “Marathons of Miracles”, in which more than 70,000 people took part. These are thematic courses of therapy in an online format: lectures, exercises and support of curators in the chat. Five different topics: money and success, motherhood, body and trauma, love and designing your future help participants become more confident and aware, learn to be in a couple, achieve goals and significantly improve the quality of life in various areas.

Maria conducts private consultations in Moscow and St. Petersburg.

Not much is known about the childhood of the future psychologist-psychotherapist, although she does not hide this information, but simply talks about herself, her life, life situations in personal communication, at webinars. In the description of her pages on social networks and on her personal website, the emphasis is placed exclusively on professional achievements. It is known that her parents were sensitive, understanding, supportive people. They also helped her financially, because studying at the prestigious St. Petersburg Institute of Gestalt Psychology is not a cheap pleasure. Especially for an ordinary provincial girl.

Maria talks about her childhood from psychological, and not from biographical aspects. For example, often at seminars she gives examples from life, saying that schooling is associated with stress for her. She studied excellently, participated in olympiads, won prizes, but success in her studies was an outlet for her, into which she plunged due to psychological complexes.

The fact is that due to hormonal disorders in adolescence, the doctor prescribed hormonal pills with side effects for her. As a result, the girl gained 15 extra pounds, which was a real shock for her.

She disliked her gray city too much, health problems also contributed. That is why, even from her school family, she was sure that immediately after receiving the coveted certificate, she would leave and start a completely new life. Her parents supported her in this. And, in fact, everything happened exactly as she dreamed in childhood.

Parents

It is known that her parents supported her psychologically and financially. For example, dad helped her buy her first apartment in her life in the northern capital. From the information in open sources and from the information that comes from her trainings, seminars, one gets the impression that the girl’s childhood was relatively prosperous in terms of mutual understanding with her parents.

Education

Maria Brazgovskaya continues her education to this day, considering it an integral part of the profession of a psychologist. She graduated from the St. Petersburg Gestalt Institute. Currently, she continues her education in several directions at once, the fate of both foreign and domestic masters. She specializes in post-traumatic stress disorder, grief, love addiction, unresolved problems from childhood, and so on.

It helps people get rid of unexplored situations that relate to relationships with the family, other people, career building issues, financial prosperity.

Family

In the description on social networks, Maria’s marital status is short: “happy not married.” It is known that she has a daughter, whom she raises alone. Maria does not promote the rejection of marriage and the traditional form of the family, but emphasizes that in any position and condition a person can feel harmonious and be happy. At this moment in time, she feels optimally comfortable being out of wedlock, doing only raising her daughter, helping other people, creating information products in the field of psychology and psychotherapy.

Activities

The professional activity of Maria Brazgovskaya is impressive. She created marathons in which tens of thousands of people took part. These are games with a psychological context, in which they discuss in virtual form:

• Money,
• Psychological trauma of the body,
• Motherhood,
• Projecting your future,
• Love.

As the girl writes on social networks, her clients are completely different people: entrepreneurs, intellectuals, wives of successful people, self-made women, etc. She also notes that there are no two identical stories in life, and it is very important to approach to every situation.

Information products of Maria Brazgovskaya:

• “Marathon. Money and Purpose.
• “Incarnation. Marathon of Miracles.
• “Big marathon of miracles”.

Webinar:

• “Financial capacity”.

It should be noted that the girl is very creative in her work and inspires other people to be creative. In particular, as part of her psychotherapy, she practices the following approach: each participant who has registered for a webinar or for participation in a marathon must indicate their address. They will also be asked to write a regular paper letter or postcard to another participant who registered for the webinar a little earlier.

In such an exchange of information using paper media, the psychologist sees a great psychotherapeutic effect, she considers such games an integral part of therapy that relieves stress and instills self-confidence.

Interesting Facts

Judging by the open statistics on her personal website, more than 10,000 people have already wished to become participants and undergo training. Reviews about Maria Brazgovskaya’s information products are quite mixed. Some people praise her for helping them find a way to themselves, work out their desires, get rid of fears, unclosed situations, traumas that have been dragging on since childhood. But many people, according to them, were not too ready for such a format.

She has an account on Instagram, social networks VKontakte. On Instagram, she regularly conducts online trainings, including free ones. The number of subscribers is very impressive and amounts to more than 2 million people. Thus, she is included in the top most popular Instagram psychologists.

The girl says that she is happy to live her life, to be herself. And she began her activity in 2010 in a hospice, where her duties included working with terminally ill people. She helped them adequately accept the situation, not to panic and spend the rest of their lives without panic attacks.

Maria loves to be photographed against the backdrop of the beauties of St. Petersburg, nature, city parks and squares. Also in her social networks there are many photos where she poses against the backdrop of beautiful cars, there are many photos with her daughter Eva. The woman is very relaxed, self-confident, but she does not hide the fact that behind such confidence and success is her long and painstaking work on herself.

Personal life

Maria Brazgovskaya is not officially married, she is raising her daughter Eva, she considers herself a happy woman.

Maria Brazgovskaya in social networks

• Facebookhttps://www.facebook.com/mbrazgovskaya
• Maria Brazgovskaya instagram https://www.instagram.com/marybrazgovska/
• Vkontaktehttps://vk.com/marybrazgovska
• Maria Brazgovskaya YouTube https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCt5gDZtjRnwgvKH7-gpRvrg
• Twitterhttps://twitter.com/marybrazgovska
• Maria Brazgovskaya website https://marafonchudes.ru/

Interview

Maria Brazgovskaya: “Don’t blame your body for your unhappy fate”

About the heroine of the interview, I really don’t want to write some stereotyped words for the introduction.
Maria has a daughter Eva, two higher educations, a career as a psychologist and an Instagram account marybrazgovska, which already has 119 thousand subscribers.

Maria’s blog is very different from those that can be found by tags close to psychology – she writes very honest, sometimes sharp, sometimes funny posts and always communicates with her subscribers in the comments. He talks about himself and his life, broadcasts live and sometimes just chats in a friendly way. If some accounts leave a strange feeling of a white office and a couch, then Maria knows how to give advice, and support, and give reason for reflection – and, most importantly, not only a reason, but also soil.

Maria, hello! I’ll start with a quote from your post: “Three things worry a woman – men, money and weight. Fat is a neurosis dangling from the belly, unless you’re haunted by a refrigerator or violent hormones.” Is it really true? Not gluttony, weak will and indifference to ourselves take us from size S to other latitudes, but psychological problems?

– Of course, some things are determined genetically, or, let’s say, hormonal changes – after childbirth, after stress. But there is such a sad fact – there were no fat people in Auschwitz or in the war. One way or another, if a person receives drastic restrictions in the caloric content of his diet, he will, of course, begin to lose weight. Rather, we can talk about the speed of the processes that occur.
In any case, if a person has some kind of psychological problems, then I would not always call it such an unpleasant word as “weak will”. Because food becomes a way to replace the pain that occurs inside the human soul. This is his attempt to somehow stay in balance, generally stand on his feet. You don’t have to try to perceive my words through humiliation, rather, you should think about this – what pain lives inside me, what trauma lives inside me, and how I run away from it, from solving this problem, from this trauma, trying to seize it, trying to calm her down, or mutilate oneself, bringing one’s body into a state far from being the best it could be.

– To date, more than 200,000 users have been registered on our project – of course, many achieved their goal and either left the project, or remained members of the site in order to continue communicating with their girlfriends, or in order to control- keep your shape. But it’s no secret that many people have been dieting for years, counting calories spent and received, playing sports – but at the same time they break down, or simply cannot get into the shape they aspire to.

– It turns out that the goal of losing weight becomes, perhaps unconsciously, the meaning of life. Is it a goal for the sake of a goal, or a manifestation of neurosis?

– If a goal becomes a goal for the sake of a goal, then, in fact, it turns out that the person somehow already made it meaningless in advance. And then it will become difficult for him to keep this weight, this mark on the scales, when he reaches this goal. Because if we achieve something out of fear or out of rejection of who I am now, then this rejection of myself will not go away later. It can go somewhere, transform somewhere.

Believe me, in the world, including among my clients, there are a lot of thin, excessively thin, or with a perfect body, women who still cannot accept themselves, despite the fact that they have lost weight.

The easiest way is to “shove” your problems into the body, this is the simplest solution. The easiest way to say: “I don’t get along because I’m ugly”, “I’m not hired because I don’t look right”, “I don’t get married because my legs are not too long.”

We stuff a lot into the body and sexuality, simply because they are always at hand.

Losing weight should not be the meaning of life. The meanings of life, in fact, they are generally different, and much deeper. There must be a desire – “I love my body, and I do my good for it. I notice my constitution, what I was born with, and those restrictions, and those bonuses, and those givens that are in my physicality. And I try to bring it into the optimal form. Maybe not even ideal. Just the one that makes me feel good.”

– Anorexia, bulimia and other eating disorders are caused by mental factors. Does it turn out that you need to pump oblique muscles only after you have pumped and rebooted your neuroses and experiences?

– In a sense, fat is our protection. If, for example, a woman, through her obesity, through her excess weight, tries to take up more space in space; if she disfigures herself so that no one pays attention to her; if she went out of a healthy weight in one direction or another in spite of a man who did not love her. And anorexia in general is often also an attempt to destroy oneself, to “eat oneself alive” in practice.
Then, of course, it would be nice to find what is happening in the body or to carry out this work in parallel with the gym.
Anorexia and bulimia, if we are talking about them, these are diseases close to psychopathology, and they really require treatment.
Neurosis, neurotic manifestations that relate to weight, this is something that, in many ways, we can handle ourselves. And then it is not necessary to immediately run to a psychologist. Rather, awareness is important, it is important to find contact with your body, and the right sport can help with this. Because you get joy from movement. Just notice her!
If you really go to the gym, trying to “kill” yourself, trying to get rid of seven sweats, then this is about punishment: I punish myself. And such weight loss will not be healthy, and will never be fully successful and happy.
Rather, it is important not just to pump these abdominal muscles, but to notice – this joy in my body, pleasant fatigue, what movements I can now perform, how easy they are for me, how good it is for me to just be in my body, born in this place, at this age, and even at this weight, which is now. And then change begins. And they often happen on a spiritual level, and then a woman becomes more confident, more satisfied, happier and more open to the world.

– Many people have some kind of psychological problems – either from childhood, or acquired at an older age, or both. But not everyone is overweight at the same time – are there any prerequisites, in addition to metabolism and the notorious “wide bone”, that provoke weight gain in principle? Is it true that gaining weight can be a means of avoiding psychological problems, a way to protect yourself with a layer of fat as an airbag, is this always the case, and how can you start to stop protecting yourself in this way?

– There are indicators by which you can see if weight gain is a means of avoiding psychological problems. And then, indeed, fat is a kind of airbag, or fat is self-punishment.
For example, you eat when you are angry or depressed, and the first thing you do is run to the refrigerator. This is such an infantile way to calm yourself, in fact, almost breastfeeding. Or you confuse food with the need for warmth – for warmth, for love and care. And then you eat something sweet, or something warm, hot, just to feel full.
Or you punish your body with so much food that you cannot digest, and this will be about bulimia, this will be about the heaviness with which I stand. And that’s when I can’t stop.
Another indicator is that I feel anxiety after leaving something on my plate – this is also such a mental turmoil.
If, for example, you substitute food for sex or relationships, this is the moment when you confuse your treatment, that is, in fact, you feel like being with someone, and instead sit down to eat. Or you really want an orgasm, and instead you go to a Michelin-starred restaurant.
These are such simple hooks that you can look at.
And, of course, for sure, this is neurosis, when we punish ourselves with starvation, when we punish ourselves with the strictest diet, that is, we cannot accept our own physicality and enjoy it. Whatever it is, corporeality, may be, first you need to feel agreement and gratitude with it, before you get involved in any healthy lifestyle. Otherwise, he will not be healthy.
In fact, in short, this is such a very important starting point – to stop blaming your body for your unhappy fate.

– You once wrote that a woman is not considered fat if she can find a dress that fits her perfectly and can climb stairs without shortness of breath. Mikhail Labkovsky writes that weight, appearance and age are the three factors that can in no way affect the presence of personal life and happiness in general. Then where does not only dissatisfaction with one’s appearance and weight come from, rejection of oneself in this appearance (we are not talking about cases when excess weight can really be a manifestation of a disease), the desire to lose weight, and, in fact, the confidence that to lose weight and the acquisition of ideal forms will add happiness in your personal life as a bonus? Why is a woman often sure that she cannot be happy and loved with overweight? And why does this property, as a rule, have a gender coloring – men are much less worried about extra pounds?

– This is what I already talked about: what to do with reality, which is the least controllable – this, for example, is relationships with other people, this is a career, ambitions, or success, it is much easier for us to control what is always at hand. Control my body and my sexuality. And then I start talking – because of this body, because of these legs, because of this weight, because of this face, I can’t do it. I’m ashamed of something that’s happening to me, or I’m ashamed of the relationships I’ve been involved in, whether it’s childhood or adult relationships. And then I begin, for example, to hate my face, I hide it from people.
These are very simple, on the one hand, such strings, but they are very difficult to solve, and a woman is not always aware of them.
And gender coloring is for the simple reason that now there is such a social context when a woman is considered sexy, attractive if she has a body that is almost a bikini, when there are round buttocks, a thin waist. And 10 years ago, very thin women were sexually attractive.
And again, we must understand that not all of us are constitutionally capable of this. And many people associate the body with the picture from Instagram, believing that in reality it looks the same as the retouched one.
By the way, many generally associate the body with a picture of how another person lives. This is, in practice, such a belief in magic – like, for example, Katerina has a Mercedes, a red cap and long legs, and if I have long thin legs and a red cap, then I will have a Mercedes and the same man. And the connection is not so direct!
Well, another aspect is when a woman does not believe inside herself that she can be loved for some of her spiritual qualities, that she can be accepted with all that she has. It seems to her that sexuality is something to bet on. And then she chases after her.
Men bet on other things, and, sometimes, also in a neurotic way – on money, for example, so kilograms are more about women.

– No one will deny or dispute the importance of physical health; but, if you go over many popular bloggers, you can understand that proper nutrition, fitness, weight loss, gym – in a word, everything that can be found under the conditional hashtag # fat – is one of the defining topics of the present time. Where did the cult of a sporty, “fitonic” body come from in the 21st century? After all, if you look at the beauties of the last century, then, by today’s standards, most of them suffer from excess weight. And, despite attempts to introduce a certain trend for plus-size models, “body-positive” or “natural beauty”, no one considers clothes over 46-48 sizes as the norm.

– These are civilization stories. We move one way or another – in a sinusoid or in a spiral, we already had experience, including in our country and in European culture, when a woman had to be even painfully thin, when they pulled themselves with corsets so that they fell fainting, when sunken cheeks and pallor were considered signs of beauties. Then there was the process of rebirth, and the cult of a magnificent body, and this is very connected, including with material status, because if you are an aristocrat, if you have money, then you have food. If you don’t have money, then you don’t have food, and then you’re skinny.
Now it just became different, now there is a different cultural environment and other requests. The person as a whole, in many ways, stands in such a position of egocentrism, when I myself can decide my own destiny. And then this position requires such an ideal attitude to everything – an ideal body, an ideal lover, an ideal husband, an ideal car, ideal children. And this is a race for ideality – as for status, as for success. And the body becomes a participant in this race. How can I talk about myself as a beautiful, successful woman, even if I have wonderful children, even if I have a loving husband and relationship, if I have, for example, 48 clothes?

And body positivity – it has also become such, from my point of view, an ugly form.
What was tried to start in a better context often becomes an aggressive demonstration. And one thing is the acceptance and acceptance of your body, whatever it may be, and another thing is outrageous. And when it’s about shocking, it’s always the other side of shame.

– I want to ask another question – how to explain the popularity of Lena Miro? Why are so many people reading her page with pleasure, despite the offensive comments and frankly bold, literally reaching bravado, humiliation of all overweight people – even more so, simply unsportsmanlike? What is her feature? After all, there are also a lot of bloggers involved in sports.

– I would talk about two, maybe three things: on the one hand, there are people who are motivated through insults. If we look at big-time sports, then very often a child can be lowered literally below the plinth, that is, this is really about humiliation. ” You are fat!” – they shout at rhythmic gymnasts, who are like reeds.
And for some it is destructive. But those few people who survive in this car will become Olympic champions. This motivation is not for everyone.

What Lina Miro promotes is if you really think inside yourself that something is wrong with you, and a person calls you a fat cow, and this person is authoritative, because she has hundreds of thousands of subscribers, and because she has beautiful body, then you somehow begin to agree with her, such a strange effect. Because when a woman is mentally loose inside herself, she is in shame, and then it seems to her that this person, a figure that humiliates her, will save her – “do as I do,” she says.

Such a very confusing and very infantile thing, alas, unfortunately, but it happens.
Well, there is a very simple story – people have always loved bread and circuses, and such “dirty” spectacles, with insults and humiliation, are really the only food for the mind for many.

– Immediately a question, one way or another related to the previous one: I have been subscribed to your account for more than six months and read all the posts – and there are more than 100,000 like me. During all this time I have not met a single negative comment – on at least one that was openly offensive to the participants in the discussion, no matter what the topic. It is clear that you have a different audience with Lena Miro, but the topics can be equally painful – why is it so?

– I have offensive comments, and, thank God, they are not from my subscribers, they happen on live broadcasts (Instagram option, live broadcast on the blog, ed.), when, for example, the broadcast goes to the top , and regions with a different religious and cultural stratum are connected – unfortunately, this is so. Sometimes this is about our Russian boys, who are 17-18 years old, and such aggression seems to them a manifestation of some status and some masculinity.

There is another story about envy – and people start insulting each other because they are jealous, and they think this is a way to rise above others. This really never happens among my audience, which reads and comments on me all the time. Probably just for the reason that there are two factors: what I write about and how I write – this is probably about the intellectual and aesthetic content. And people who are not close to it, who are not initially ready to strain their brains in order to feel something about themselves, think about something for themselves; those who were looking for magic pills or instructions – they just don’t sign, they just don’t read, such a simple screening mechanism.

– You go in for sports and are in excellent physical shape – do you keep a diet, do you limit yourself in anything? Or have you had such an experience?

– Thank you for the “good physical shape” – but I, in fact, still strive, and I also understand my limitations, and muscle ones, including, I have something to work on. It’s just that, over the years, I’ve learned to do it patiently. And this, perhaps, is my most important discovery about myself – this is patience, the ability to give time time. To give an understanding that somewhere my body is imperfect, somewhere it is imperfect, and it cannot immediately fulfill its maximum, its best. If we talk about the diet – sometimes I do. And rather, I try to eat right, somehow intuitively and reasonably. Eat when I’m hungry. If you haven’t had lunch, don’t overeat at dinner. I try not to eat sweets at night. Although, of course, maybe the factor that saves me is that I don’t really like to cook, and these are very simple things – this is porridge, these are steamed vegetables, these are fruits, and this is something that has no chemistry.
If we talk about desserts, I always allow myself them, I just do it beautifully. I can come to a restaurant, order a cup of coffee, and order a delicious cake, dessert, and not necessarily eat everything, but just try something, leave something. And then it’s also about aesthetics, and that helps too.
The experience of such a strong weight loss – of course, I had it, when I gave birth to a child, I limited myself to get in shape, and I can’t say that it was easy. Because it happened that I wanted something, but the task of losing weight was quite weighty. And when I said – that’s it, ok, that’s enough for me, I like myself like this – I don’t have any strict restrictions. “I like myself like this” – not in the sense that I can relax, but in the sense that I am satisfied with the result that I have come to. Because when after giving birth I weighed 70 kg, and a month later – 60, and my usual weight was 50-54 kilograms, respectively, these 10 kilograms not only interfered at the level of movements, at the level of clothing, but rather, they were just a reminder, that yes, somewhere I overate when I was pregnant, and that now I would like to return to a different form.
But it was not with self-hatred, perhaps this should be understood.
I had another period when I lost a lot of weight, but it was rather at the level of exhaustion, because I fed the child for a long time. And then the task was to gain weight – that is, it happens in different ways, we live different experiences in our body. I’m just looking for a relationship with the body as love – here it is, my body, I love it just like a man loves it.

– Have there been cases in your practice when, in addition to internal problems, a person’s problems were eliminated, let’s say, external ones – roughly speaking, did one of your clients lose weight without diets and insane loads after or during therapy ?

– People change during therapy. And, in fact, I’m not a cognitive-behavioral psychologist. That is, if I worked with weight in this school, then we would work only with weight, and would not touch anything else. We would write a plan – a plan for your food, how to calm yourself, how to distract yourself from food, how to stop in time.
And we very often go into completely different things – for example, a woman comes to me and says: “I am overweight”, or “I have aerophobia”, and we can talk about her food or about her planes literally 10 minutes. And then we will have several meetings to deal with her relationship with her parents, or her relationship with men. Or maybe she experienced violence, and we will talk about fears, and the fear of death, including.
And, oddly enough, then something switches. When we unravel something within the soul, tension begins to loosen, and one thing is pulled up after another. And often a person, solving his own, some completely different problem, gets results in a completely different area. He did not come with a request for weight, but his sexuality, for example, became better. His sense of himself in life, his place among other people, became more confident. And then suddenly he begins to treat himself differently. And, as if imperceptibly, he is losing weight. Simply because this weight has ceased to be necessary for him. The same thing happens with aerophobia, and the same thing happens when relations with parents normalize – suddenly relations with a husband normalize, and vice versa.

– Unfortunately, not everyone can afford a course of therapy with a professional psychologist. Is there a chance for those who have already realized the root cause and the relationship of their neurosis and weight problems, but for some reason cannot turn to a psychologist / psychotherapist, to solve this issue on their own, and, if so, where to start? How to start accepting yourself?

– First of all, I need to start with the realization where I neurotically live my relationship with food.
This is what we talked about earlier, we must start with awareness – I replace sex with food, I replace bodily warmth with food, I soothe myself in this way. Or so I punish myself. That is, I make my body the focus of my anger. I blame him for my unfortunate fate.

And then you can go through the path of observation and the path of correction – this is about self-discipline. But do it with love! Someone starts a notebook and writes along with food. That is, while you are eating, you are writing down what I feel now, why I sat down to eat, do I notice my body now? Is it full or not? What is happening to me – am I eating too fast, or am I trying not to leave anything on my plate?

If you keep this food diary for at least a week or two, firstly, you will become more conscious, secondly, you will pay attention to how often you eat something extra, or how often you grab something then on the run. Or, conversely, you do not notice your feelings – hunger or satiety. And this is a good way.

And it’s good to notice your body in a new way – stroke it, buy yourself a jar of delicious-smelling oil, and rub it. Not just a slap-slap, and I ran to sleep, but to rub it with love, noticing this pleasure. Notice how your skin responds. Do it like your mother would do if you were a little girl. It’s always about love.
All the changes that start from love are more likely to give you a feeling of inner happiness. And then changes in your body will be easier and more pleasant.

Psychologist Maria Brazgovskaya: “Martyrdom is typical for Russia. It is both cultural and historical experience. Patriarchal country!

A point-blank question: how does Brazgovskaya’s “marathon of miracles” differ from Blinovskaya’s “marathon of desires”?

Everyone, except for one word in the title. It seemed to me once a good marketing ploy to use a word that was on everyone’s lips – before and besides Elena. But a miracle is more important to me than desire, which can be lazy and petty. Something more than a person helps a miracle to happen.

So you and Blinovskaya are not competitors?

Absolutely. I work with deep traumas of sexual abuse, loss, illness, infidelity, pathological behavioral patterns. Elena has other tasks, this is not good and not bad. But now I’m patenting a different name to avoid overlap.

There are indeed thousands of marathons. It seems that everyone who presented themselves as a model in the 2000s and a gallery owner in the 2010s has retrained as conscious coaches.

Ethics in the profession of psychologist and coach is not regulated in any way. Therefore, everyone is called as he wants. The main thing, when broadcasting to a millionth flock, is not to get sick with Manka-Velika. Self-reflection, education, competence development and supervision (when the work of a psychologist is accompanied by an older colleague) are mandatory requirements for any specialist.

Do you come across outright nonsense from insta-coaches?

Often. People want security and do nothing, so they are looking for a magic pill. And they are in a hurry to meet, for example, “Vedic psychology.” Let’s start with the fact that the Vedas cannot be read by a woman – the main addressee of online courses on the topic. This can be finished, but in pseudo-teaching there is still a lot of beauty, pulled not even from the Vedas, but from the Bhagavad Gita. And even it is turned upside down. As a result, “Vedic psychology” on Instagram is 10% healthy things that a person clings to, and 90% consists of tempting nonsense that can destroy life. Classic sectarian pie.

What is ten healthy percent?

Well, for example, that it is worth respecting a man and taking care of the state of your own goodness. But this is not uniquely Vedic thoughts. But the postulate that a woman is responsible for the financial condition of her husband – I want to know how exactly? If he lacks brains and willpower, it will take millions of years to evolve. The condition of femininity “do not work, do not achieve, be patient” also sounds wonderful.

People want security and do nothing, so they are looking for a magic pill. And they are in a hurry to meet, for example, “Vedic psychology.”

The theme of patience suits the Russian soul well, don’t you think?

Martyrdom is typical for Russia. It is both cultural and historical experience. Patriarchal country!

How is patience with you personally? Inadequate, probably, write in thousands.

I was lucky with the audience. Haters happen, but there are spots on the sun. They are interesting to watch, like white rats in a box: predictable, controllable. Sometimes I do experiments.

Are you responsible for what you say to online crazy people?

Definitely not. Now, if a client in my office had a panic attack, then it is my direct responsibility to help. There is a lot of support in online projects, but people still get hurt, of course. This is fine. Any change begins with the recognition of one’s own role in what is happening.

“Start with yourself” is the favorite thesis of the Russian authorities. Do you think it’s fair?

Justice is not something that we can observe within the framework of large global processes. There are states with a more developed system of supporting the population and providing them with financial guarantees. There are less. We are not deprived of a choice: whether to live here, whether to belong to this place, country. Lomonosov went to Moscow on skis, but now planes fly anywhere. But it is sometimes difficult for our contemporaries to even move to an area closer to work. So yes, you have to start with yourself and take responsibility for this: get angry at the situation or change it.

The word “responsibility” seems to be your favorite.

Because a specialist cannot change anyone. His task is to open the door for the patient. Learn to walk. But I cannot decide for a person, do it instead of him. Many people voice their desire for a “magic pendel” with their mouths. Not quite a healthy model of behavior: it hurts – and there will be no more motivation from this.

Is it possible to motivate yourself with crazy money?

Not everyone is given to pump out subsoil or create social networks. But to reach the level of the middle class, a kind of prosperity – an apartment, a car, a vacation twice a year – the majority is capable of. Yes, competencies are required. Yes, you have to take risks. But everyone has potential and talent (one, two or ten).

Maybe these are useless talents?

Name me a talent that can’t be monetized.

Let’s say spitting in length.

This is not a talent, but a skill. But what’s stopping you from making it a trend on TikTok? An entrepreneurial streak is already a talent.

When did you realize that you have it?

In my second year. I then got a job as a waitress. There was not enough tip even for a taxi to the restaurant and back. And I thought: in the cafe of the business center, people come not so much to eat as to exhale and talk. Please: within a year, I had a pool of clients who were tipping more than the bill. And at 18, my father gave me a tiny apartment. And because real estate was booming, I resold it while it was under construction. I added the earned money, plus the increase in the price per meter – I got a good result at the finish line. I still love real estate as an investment.

Was your online project born easy?

From a business plan on the knee. I wanted to bring good therapy to an online format. Money came next. The price of participation at first was quite modest for such a number of hours. Now it has tripled, the quality of the project too. So it’s still far below the real value.

There is an opinion that psychotherapy should not be cheap in order for the patient to feel the value of the session.

In general, it is. I work charitably only with teenagers. For an adult client in a difficult situation, I suggest deciding how much he is willing to give for therapy. And, following this logic, I name the amount by 10% more.

What does a person get from you? Advice, support, action plan?

Very different. One of my deepest sessions lasted 50 minutes, of which 48 the patient was silent. Somewhere in the middle, she was ready for me to take her hand. And only in the last two minutes she was able to say a few words about what torments her. The healing thing in this case was just compassionate silence. There are situations when there is simply nothing to say. Objectively, there is nothing.

Does it happen that on the contrary you want to read a whole sermon?

A psychologist must remain in a metaposition, not dividing actions into good and evil. For example, is cheating bad? Sometimes it keeps a couple from getting divorced or makes it possible to open an abscess. For me, loyalty is a great value. But as a professional, I cannot look at the problem so narrowly.

What to do if there is no special drama, and the patient nurtures his suffering?

Make it clear to him that he chews the shit that happened to him and is not going to spit it out. And then help him move on. Sometimes without anesthesia, sometimes gently.

You are a believer. Doesn’t it interfere with work?

I live like this. My God cannot be taken away from me. But I have many clients who are atheists, Muslims, Buddhists. I don’t see a problem. Even if you don’t believe in God, he believes in you.

What can not be brought to your office?

I almost never work with drug addicts. I had to refuse to work with parents who demanded to remake their children, but were not going to remake themselves. I don’t play games yet: “I don’t believe psychologists, but prove to me that you are not a camel.”

Men more often make it to the point where only pharmacology can help them. Somewhere in the seventh circle of hell

Do you eventually bring all patients back to normal?

No way! Norm is boring. Any success is abnormal. Everything that causes us love, admiration, hatred, the desire to imitate, is beyond the usual and moves progress. In addition, there are things that simply cannot be touched. The actress needs to periodically dramatize, increasing the emotional amplitude in order to more easily enter the role. A businessman who makes super money cannot be removed from the aggression, thanks to which he achieves such capacities. You just need to teach him to remove the lid from a boiling saucepan in time so that loved ones do not get burned. The main thing is that these unique personalities have values. And they have not changed much since the time when one Jew walked on water.

But super money is about greed. What is the value here?

Optional. You can grow rich in God, like King Solomon. Money should follow – an idea, talent, a desire to do something good, or even a desire to leave a mark.

Do men come to you with money requests?

No, they have everything like people. Wives, children, mistresses, partners, age limits, mother, money. But they often make it to the point where only pharmacology can help them with a visit. Somewhere in the seventh circle of hell.

Have you ever had #metoo cases at work?

No. A person does not cross the border at once. He first puts his foot on the rug, then the second on the threshold … And here you can’t miss the moment when he finds himself with his whole body on the sofa. From there it is more difficult to shoot and see off.

A handsome and public psychologist was probably called on TV more than once. What do you answer?

They called, they called. There are rational things that confuse me. First, I would not like to live in Moscow. It’s too dynamic for me. There I seem to have an additional motor. But even in St. Petersburg, sometimes it takes an effort to stop and not drive myself away. Secondly, reputation. On television, you are limited by the format. Parse someone’s relationship in the genre of “House-2” or divorce in a talk show? So there is no need for psychology, but an exorcism session.

You are very strict, Maria.

Perfectionism takes its toll. The habit of life is “to cut without waiting for peritonitis”, and it is possible without anesthesia. I do not insist that everyone is ready for such action. And now I also become different than a few years ago. Careful and slow. I no longer aspire to make a five-year plan in a year. I stopped measuring the result by swiftness: both my own and other people’s. And before, yes, it was. After the divorce, time passed before there was confidence that I myself can do a lot. I remember measuring income in cars for six months, having bought my first in a wave of business growth. I seemed to confirm to myself: “It’s true.” And then I went grocery shopping and suddenly bought another car. Much higher class. At that time I was worried about how I would tell my father about this. I thought that he, a man with a favorite phrase “you have to live within your means”, will now arrange a dressing for me. And he just said, “I’m proud of you.” A year later, I gave myself a Rolls-Royce. The one I doubted. I no longer need to do everything at the limit. But Andrei Mironov’s phrase is very clear: “If I leave, I will die.”

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